boredom is rage spread thin -paul tillich...and there is no good reason for that.

i find myself completely captivated this week, as spring is slowly but surely making its way through the grey and the clouds of seattle. i have been in flip flops and i have spent time walking around all over the place, just in awe and wonder at what i can feel approaching.

it is an exciting time, for sure. after a few months of searching and applying for jobs, i finally landed myself a barista position - thanks to a kick-ass small business owner who decided to give me a chance. this is financially, very helpful for me. and potentially helpful to those who have offered me gifts and loans over the last few months. but it is also a step forward in other ways which are even further invaluable. i feel as though i can step away from wherever i was stuck, and start planning for the short term and long term future. i can begin to look at the direction my life is heading and make some decisions, instead of just living as though i had no choices. i am thankful for this. i need this. i need to feel like i am going somewhere, for once. also, i have been bored. and felt useless with my days. i entered into the most depressing and wasteful sloth. i have been sleeping til noon day after day only to lay around and work a few hours and then return to more sleep. while customer service in any form has its drawbacks, it is - to say the least - interactive. while my tendency is to retreat and keep to myself, i need this social activity. and i need to spend more time laughing with people around me. i am excited that this job might help me gather these things back into my life.

with spring approaching, it is natural to feel a sense of excitement. i have it, for sure. the cold, dark, and wet winter is difficult for some to bare. i found it refreshing, quite honestly. it felt more true to my experience, as opposed to the sun which at times can be too bright and perky. but cherry blossoms are blooming and windows are opening and i cant help but feel comfort at newfound warmth on my skin. so while the winter may have been difficult, i cant say i would have this level of anticipation or zeal and hope for life to come had it not been so damn dark.

i want to wake up early and stay out as long as there is the slightest hint of light. i want to go on a weekly hike. i want to take photographs of the beauty surrounding me. i want to love despite consequence. i want to sit by the water and stare in awe that it is just right there, containing a whole world of life in its depths. i want to read and make sense of the things i am experiencing while i am attempting to live more fully, with the help of spring.

just as one loses their sense of peace and ecstasy once one returns home from a church gathering or concert or whatnot, i am sure i will lose my sense of wonder and fervor to a certain extent. but this being my first spring in this beautiful part of the country, it is doubtful i will be able to resist the excitement that shoots up every time i open the door and step outside. i think it will, as it has thus far, draw me to life.